Monday, September 15, 2008

Inner turmoil

I just read a quote from Albert Einstein. "A happy man is too satisfied with the present to dwell too much on the future." I'm not sure I agree with that statement. It's not that I think a happy person wouldn't be satisfied with the present -- that part of the statement is obvious -- but I don't think being happy with the now would preclude thinking about the future. Especially since I know that someone who is depressed doesn't think much about the future either. In fact, part of depression is a hopelessness about the future, and so one thinks about it as little as possible, searching instead for something to alleviate the sadness right now. Part of being happy with oneself and one's situation is having a plan for the future -- something that implies knowing one's path and purpose in life, which a depressed person certainly doesn't.

Perhaps Einstein just meant that a happy person isn't going to let worries about the future detract from enjoying the present. A nice idea that taken to extremes means an aimless wandering through life with no achievements, no aspirations or accomplishments. How do you find a middle ground in that? How can you make your life meaningful, knowing you've done something important with it and still be content enough with yourself and situation to enjoy the now without worrying about the future?

Yes, I know, my "all or nothing / black or white" mentality is showing. My biggest problem is that I understand things in black and white but all there really is out there are shades of gray which means I don't understand anything. This whole searching for happiness thing really sucks. Is it the journey? The destination? What's the point of the journey without the destination? That whole school of thought has never made sense to me. And then there's the "happiness is not something you find, it's something you are" school of thought which also ticks me off, because when I try to just BE happy, something in my life suffers and causes me more heartache and self recriminations down the road. In fact, almost everything I do to just be-happy-in-the-moment comes at the expense of some long term goals.

I have a picture on my wall captioned "It's sad when we give up the things we want the most for the things we want right now." I've tried to remember that when I want to do something stupid like eat a whole bunch of bad for me food, or put off doing work that needs to get done. But living like that puts me in a state of constant resentment. How can I find contentment with living in the now while doing the things I need to do instead of the things I want to do?

Hmph. Rhetorical question, by the way. This is just stuff that's been on my mind lately, trying to find a balance.

4 comments:

LeAnn said...

I wish I had all the answers for you and we could push an "easy button."

Just wanted to send you a virtual hug:

{{{{Charity}}}}

Diamondgirl said...

I know the question was retorical, but I had to respond. :-) I think it is referring to the sheer bliss of being in romantic love! When you are with your "other half" you truly are in a state of present euphoriah unlike anything else you will ever encounter. You care nothing about anything, except wanting the moment to linger forever! If a nuclear bomb is coming tommorrow....let it come. What care I for that when my love and I are here, alive, in-love, in-completeness. You know? That kind of thing. It's not that you don't care about earth, or surviving, or tommorrow, it's just that happiness....when that total and complete, removes you entirely from all worry and all pain and even possibly most reality...lol. I would argue with Einstein on semantics though. I think that kind of happiness is joy...not mere happiness. I really agree with most of your pondering on the subject. I think the paradox for us is that one is never truly joyful without the other. Just as we cannot have a fulness of joy as spirit without body...we cannot have a fulness of joy woman without the man. It just isn't possible. However, we can hope for that day. It will come. It has been promised us by one who does not lie. Similarly, we cannot be totally happy in this realm. We do not belong to it. It is not governed by our Lord, but another. Our souls know this. The best we can hope for is to make it through this temporality relatively unscathed and make it home again in glory. I've struggled with depression in my life too, and all the questions you pose. What I have found, is that the greatest peace comes in surrender. We are here for really only 3 reasons. Get a body...prove ourselves worthy of the kingdom of God...to accomplish the mission God sent each of us to individually do. All of these, will give us peace in this life, and complete joy in the next if we are successful. I have come to know that regardless of career or whatever, my main obligation and priveledge in this life is temple work. I think it is that for ALL people born in this time on earth. Thinking "what use am I to the world"? when things are not going as you may want them to go, is at its heart, a selfish thought. I know. I've been guilty of it many, many times. I have come to realize that God has called me to a great work on this earth. It is my duty and honor to obey. What He adds to my life on top of that, and in due time, is up to Him. We love God because He FIRST loved us. We want to give our lives for Him because He FIRST gave His life for us. If you want the secret to happiness in this life...I think that is it. If we understand. TRULY understand the Lord, our master. We understand how LOVED we are. If we truly understand that, then we will do anything to help Him. This gives us joy. It is the deepest joy to be found anywhere. Well, those are my thoughts on the subject. I think you are great, and I hope you can always see your infinate value. Cause it's real, and true.

Anonymous said...

Life is a test, if it were for real we would have better instructions!

LeAnn said...

Just thinking of you....