Wednesday, September 9, 2009

Labor Day Weekend

I love visiting the Back's.  :)  We played with clay, and went to see Star Trek (yes, this is probably the 20-somethingth time I've seen it, but I love it!  Can't wait for the DVD -- Nov. 17th!), and had yummy food at Cafe Rio.  Janet is on the HCG diet too, so she knew what to order for us both, and it was really good.  Jilese and I got lost in Salt Lake looking for bookstores and a Michael's so we could get some liquid Sculpey for a project.  Over all, a very worthwhile weekend.

We made little glow-in-the-dark ghosts and some fairies (we used the liquid Sculpey and glitter for their wings and they looked awesome), but I didn't get any pictures.  Jason even reminded me just before I left and I still forgot.  Oh, well, I guess.  Jayden seemed to have a lot of fun, but Jilese was getting frustrated because hers wasn't perfect.  I know just how she feels.  It's one of my biggest "negative" personality traits to overcome -- the idea that if I can't be best or do something extraordinary, I don't want to do it at all.

All the things I do that friends and family find so amazing and talented are things that came really pretty easily to me.  The stuff that's hard, I give up on.  Which is really why my book is still unfinished -- I'm scared it won't be as good as I think it is or as good as I want it to be.  I know, I know.  Irrational.  But when depression sucks the will to try out of you, that kind of irrationality holds much more sway than anyone who hasn't been there would suspect.  The worst part is, while it's happening, you know you're being illogical, but instead of prompting you to change the behavior, the idea that you are behaving that way just makes you more disgusted with yourself and less likely to do anything about it.  Depression is an evil spiral -- like that scene in Disney's The Little Mermaid where Ariel is lying on the dry ocean floor at the bottom of the whirlpool with the massively oversized evil witch laughing far above her aiming to kill her with the tritan, only the witch is the wall between your emotions and your logic and the tritan is all the negative thoughts you keep trying to jump away from, but can't because the vortex would just spit you back out into the bullseye.  I suppose if I were to contine the metaphor, the prince in the wrecked ship that kills off Ursula would be the medication that breaks down the wall so your logic can start informing your emotions and counteracting the negative thoughts.  Whew.  How's that for a great description?  :)  I think I've said this before, but the hardest part right now is changing all the destructive habits I formed while at the bottom of the maelstrom.  I think I'm making progress.  I hope I am, anyway.

On the HCG front, I've lost 10 lbs.  Yay!  I haven't been as strict as I should be and so I'm not losing as fast as I could be.  It's really difficult, and I'm working on building my will power, but I am still trying, which is what's really important.  The evil witch cannot be allowed to win.